Book Appointment

Stonewalling: Understanding This Form of Emotional Abuse

Stonewalling—often called the silent treatment—happens when one person refuses to communicate with another, either by physically withdrawing from a conversation or emotionally distancing themselves. In many cases, stonewalling involves dismissing, belittling, or accusing the other person of overreacting, while insisting there’s no issue. This form of emotional neglect can be deeply harmful and, when deliberate, is regarded as a form of domestic abuse.

What Is Stonewalling?

Stonewalling is a behaviour in which an individual stops any meaningful communication with their partner or ex-partner. It can occur in two main ways:

  1. Unintentional Stonewalling

    • A learned coping mechanism: Some people have grown up in environments where discussing sensitive or emotional matters was discouraged or met negatively. Consequently, they shut down or withdraw from conversations to avoid conflict.
    • An attempt to de-escalate: By ending the conversation abruptly, a person might hope to halt a disagreement before it escalates.

  2. Intentional Stonewalling

    • A deliberate form of control: Here, the stonewaller withdraws communication or dismisses their partner with the aim of manipulation or punishment.
    • Power and dominance: The abuser uses silence or ridicule to undermine the other person, often making them feel worthless or “in the wrong.”

In both scenarios, communication stalls, creating confusion, frustration, and emotional strain for the non-stonewalling partner.

Stonewalling in a Relationship

Within a marriage or romantic partnership, stonewalling can cut off avenues for resolving problems or discussing plans, effectively blocking constructive dialogue. Common motivations include:

  • Retaliation: Used as a punishment if one partner feels the other has wronged them.
  • Habitual Avoidance: Some individuals simply never learned how to engage in challenging conversations and resort to silence as a default response.
  • Deliberate Manipulation: Withholding communication to gain power or instil self-doubt in the other person.

Regardless of the reason, stonewalling can cause serious damage, leading to a breakdown of trust and an imbalance of power in the relationship.

Intentional vs. Unintentional Stonewalling

Couples sometimes slip into stonewalling as they lose the habit of discussing emotions. If one person is unsure of their feelings, they may decide not to speak at all—unintentional stonewalling. However, there are also cases where it’s a calculated decision. For example:

  • Unintentional: Uncertainty about how to express emotions can lead to one partner consistently “shutting down” rather than resolving issues.
  • Intentional: A person might use silence to humiliate or bully the other into compliance, retaining a sense of control or emotional superiority.

How to Deal with Stonewalling

  1. Open Communication

    • If both partners are willing, try to talk openly about why stonewalling happens and how it makes each other feel.
    • When starting these discussions, use “I” statements (“I feel…”) rather than “you” statements to reduce defensiveness.

  2. Seek Professional Help

    • Mediation or Counselling: In cases of persistent or severe stonewalling, a mediator or therapist can provide neutral ground to help you communicate effectively.
    • Individual Counselling: Each partner may benefit from individual therapy to develop healthier communication strategies.

  3. Recognise Emotional Abuse

    • If you suspect intentional stonewalling is part of a larger pattern of domestic abuse—physical, financial, or emotional—consider contacting a specialist domestic abuse service or a family solicitor for advice.

Is Stonewalling a Form of Gaslighting?

Yes. Many view stonewalling as a type of gaslighting because it often leads the victim to question their own emotions and perceptions. When confronted, the stonewaller may deny they’re doing anything wrong or dismiss the conversation entirely, making the victim feel as though they are the problem.

Seek Help and Know Your Rights

  • Domestic Abuse Helplines: If you feel unsafe or believe you are experiencing emotional abuse, organisations like Women’s Aid or the National Domestic Violence Helpline can offer confidential advice and support.
  • Emergency Services: In immediate danger, call 999.
  • Professional Guidance: A family law solicitor can advise on legal steps if stonewalling forms part of a broader abuse pattern, including the possibility of injunctions such as Non-Molestation Orders.

Contact HM & Co. Solicitors

For expert advice on domestic abuse, relationship breakdowns, or other family law issues, we at HM & Co. Solicitors are here to help.

We understand that stonewalling and other forms of emotional abuse can be deeply distressing. Our dedicated team can provide empathetic and confidential support, guiding you towards the best legal and practical solutions for your unique situation.

Your Questions, Answered

FAQs

Domestic Abuse FAQs

1. What counts as domestic abuse?

<div class="flex max-w-full flex-col flex-grow">
<div class="min-h-8 text-message flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 whitespace-normal break-words text-start [.text-message+&amp;]:mt-5" dir="auto" data-message-author-role="assistant" data-message-id="8317ed85-56f3-4fed-992c-c4bc59f8a5fc" data-message-model-slug="o1">
<div class="flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]">
<div class="markdown prose w-full break-words dark:prose-invert light">

Domestic abuse takes many forms beyond physical violence. It can include emotional, financial, sexual, psychological, or controlling and coercive behaviour. If you feel unsafe or threatened by a partner (or ex-partner), you could be experiencing domestic abuse.

</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mb-2 flex gap-3 empty:hidden -ml-2">
<div class="items-center justify-start rounded-xl p-1 flex">
<div class="flex items-center">
<div class="flex items-center pb-0"></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>

2. I’m experiencing domestic abuse – what should I do first?

<div class="flex max-w-full flex-col flex-grow">
<div class="min-h-8 text-message flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 whitespace-normal break-words text-start [.text-message+&amp;]:mt-5" dir="auto" data-message-author-role="assistant" data-message-id="8317ed85-56f3-4fed-992c-c4bc59f8a5fc" data-message-model-slug="o1">
<div class="flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]">
<div class="markdown prose w-full break-words dark:prose-invert light">

If you feel in immediate danger, call <strong>999</strong> right away. You can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Helpline on <strong>0808 2000 247</strong>, or seek advice and support from a domestic abuse solicitor who can guide you through your legal options.

&nbsp;

</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>

3. What can domestic abuse solicitors do for me?

A specialist domestic abuse solicitor can:
<ul>
<li>Advise you on injunction orders (e.g., non-molestation and occupation orders).</li>
<li>Represent you in court if necessary.</li>
<li>Help you gather evidence and prepare applications to keep you safe.</li>
<li>Refer you to appropriate support organisations for emotional, financial, and housing assistance.</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;

4. What are non-molestation and occupation orders?

&nbsp;
<ul>
<li><strong>Non-molestation order</strong>: Prevents an individual from using or threatening violence, contacting or harassing you, or encouraging others to do so.</li>
<li><strong>Occupation order</strong>: States who can and cannot live in or visit a particular home. This can exclude your abuser from entering the property or being within a certain distance of it.</li>
</ul>
Both are obtained through the family court and offer legal protection for those experiencing domestic abuse.

&nbsp;

5. How quickly can I get a non-molestation or occupation order?

If your situation is urgent, these orders can be applied for swiftly—sometimes without the other person even knowing about it initially (known as an ex parte application). The family court will typically schedule a hearing to decide if the order should remain in place after the abuser has had a chance to respond.

&nbsp;

6. Can the police get involved if a non-molestation order is breached?

Yes. Breaching a non-molestation order is a criminal offence. If someone breaks the terms of their order, the police can arrest them, and they can be prosecuted in criminal courts.

&nbsp;

7. I’m worried about leaving my home. Can I force my abuser to move out?

Occupation orders can exclude an abuser from living in or visiting the property if the court believes it’s necessary for your safety and wellbeing. A family law solicitor can help you assess whether an occupation order is suitable in your case.

&nbsp;

8. Do I qualify for legal aid if I’m experiencing domestic abuse?

Some survivors of domestic abuse may be entitled to legal aid if they meet specific criteria, such as providing evidence of abuse and meeting financial eligibility requirements. HM &amp; Co. Solicitors do not provide legal aid, but you can explore other avenues such as the Citizens Advice Bureau or check the government’s legal aid guidelines for more details.

&nbsp;

9. What should I do if my friend or family member is experiencing abuse?

If someone you know is in immediate danger, encourage them to call <strong>999</strong> or do it on their behalf. Advise them of the National Domestic Violence Helpline on <strong>0808 2000 247</strong> and suggest they speak to a solicitor about options such as injunction orders. Emotional support and practical help (e.g., providing a safe place to stay) are also essential.

&nbsp;

10. Where else can I find help or resources on domestic abuse?

&nbsp;
<ul>
<li><strong>National Domestic Violence Helpline</strong> (0808 2000 247)</li>
<li><strong>Women’s Aid</strong> (local support services)</li>
<li><strong>Mankind Initiative</strong> (male victims, 01823 334244)</li>
<li><strong>Galop</strong> (LGBTQ+ support, 0800 999 5428)</li>
<li><strong>Refuge</strong> (0808 2000 247)</li>
<li><strong>NSPCC</strong> (child safety, 0808 800 5000)</li>
</ul>

<hr />

<h3>Contact HM &amp; Co. Solicitors</h3>
If you need professional legal assistance, don’t hesitate to reach out:

<strong>Address</strong>: 186 Lower Road, Surrey Quays, London SE16 2UN
<strong>Telephone</strong>: 02071128180
<strong>Email</strong>: <a rel="noopener">info@hmsolicitorsltd.com</a>

Our specialist team at HM &amp; Co. Solicitors is here to help you stay safe, protect your rights, and navigate any legal challenges related to domestic abuse. Please get in touch with us for personalised advice or representation.

<< 1 >>


Services

Our Family Services

Forensic Accountants for Divorce
Financial Services, Forensic Accountancy

Book Appointment Forensic Accountants for Divorce Expert Support for Complex Finances Going through a divorce can be daunting—especially when finances and assets are complicated. If you suspect your ex-spouse is…

Read more
Divorce & Finances
Divorce & Finances

Book Appointment Divorce Financial Settlement Solicitors Why Is a Good Financial Settlement So Important? When separating from your spouse, ensuring a fair financial settlement is essential for securing your future…

Read more
Family Finance Lawyers
Family Finance Lawyers

Book Appointment Financial Solicitors in Family Law Why Seek a Specialist Financial Solicitor? Family-related financial matters can be complex and stressful. Whether you’re concerned about asset division, property valuations, or…

Read more
Prenuptial Agreement Solicitors
Prenuptial Agreement

Book Appointment Prenuptial Agreement Solicitors Why Consider a Prenuptial Agreement? Once seen as only for the super-wealthy or popularised by the US, prenuptial agreements (“prenups”) are becoming increasingly common in…

Read more
Postnuptial Agreements Solicitors
Postnuptial Agreements

Book Appointment Postnuptial Agreements Solicitors What is a Postnuptial Agreement? A postnuptial agreement—or postnup—is a document created by couples after they have already married or entered a civil partnership. Much…

Read more
Testimonials

What Our Clients Are Saying

I have been using HM & Co. Solicitors since Feb 2020 for my Non-Molestation order and Child Arrangements proceedings. Since using them I have had two amazing solicitors on my case, Felicia and Ayesha. This has been the first time I have ever been to court and had been quite nervous, especially due to the sensitivity of the proceedings. Felicia and Ayesha have been nothing but patient, professional and understanding. I have felt very supportive and reassured throughout the proceedings and they have made sure that I understand what is going on throughout all the hearings. If anyone is ever needing of legal help relating to Domestic Violence or Child Arrangements, I will always recommend HM & Co. Solicitor, Felicia and Ayesha. Thank you again for all your help and support!
Simone Simoes
Simone Simoes
Love to say a massive thank you to HM & Co.Solicitors for a job well done on my two cases, really excited with the way my case was handle by Miss Daisy was amazing with good communication with client, very supportive, professional. I will recommend them to anyone experiencing legal/family issues and need legal advice/support. Miss O Adesina.
O Adesina
O Adesina
HM & Co. Solicitors are so helpful from receptionists right to the solicitors. I've had a few applications made to the court, which includes a non molestation order, recovering my son's passport from his dad and also arranging visits and Felicia is such a professional, organised solicitor who knows her staff so well. She is a blessing and willing to help. She thinks outside the box, and finds solutions in the blink of an eye! Besides her expertise in this field, she will not hesitate to speak up and stand firm when necessary. I am very grateful for her and the company who are so supportive and helpful. Highly recommend!
Constanta Tincu
Constanta Tincu
HM & Co. Solicitors provided an excellent service when supporting us to purchase a flat (where we are first time buyers). Michael, our solicitor, explained the process clearly so it was not stressful, and acted efficiently to speed up the process. He also ensured we did not exchange immediately due to uncertainty over building works, which saved us a lot of money in the long-run. His judgement calls were excellent and ensured we came out with the best deal possible. I would not hesitate to work with HM &Co Solicitors again.
Sophia Dimitriadis
Sophia Dimitriadis
Shocked and surprised! I entered the HM & Co Solicitors on Lower Road in what can only be described as a highly agitated state. I had been told a variety of information from another company and had been told I needed services from a solicitor. After explaining my situation to the gentleman I now know as Mr Hakeem Ayantayo (solicitor) he advised me that I did not need his services and to offer them to me for monetary gain would be against good public practise. He offered me friendly advice and even briefly spoke on the phone to the other company who were trying to make things difficult for me. Ultimately the situation I was in was resolved due to Mr Ayantayo and his due diligence. Mr Ayantayo could have taken advantage of my ignorance and lack of lawful knowledge but instead showed me kindness and support all while not fleecing me! Which in this day and age is a rarity! My sincere thanks to Mr Ayantayo and his lovely secretary you have restored my faith in not only the local business community but people in general.
Fareen Ali
Fareen Ali
Get Started with Confidence

Book Appointment

January 2026
Mon
Tue
Wed
Thu
Fri
29
30
31
1
2
5
6
7
8
9
12
13
14
15
16
19
20
21
22
23
26
27
28
29
30
Insights & Advice

Latest Blog Posts

Coercive Control: What It Is and How to Recognise It
Read more
Gaslighting: Recognising It and Getting Help
Read more
Stonewalling: Emotional Abuse
Read more